But, few people expect or are prepared for the shift that usually happens as the result. We become so busy talking about and caring for our children and functioning as a family that we forget to function as a couple. Many parents will resist re prioritizing because they fear that they are taking away from their children or are being selfish. What they ultimately don't understand is one of the best gifts that you can give your children are happy parents and the security that a loving, committed family brings.

I told this wife to ask herself if she wanted for her daughter to grow up and to think that she should place herself low on the priority list? Did she want for her son to be resentful and sullen like his father? Showing your children how to focus on both marriage and family will help them to have a happy and fulfilling marriage themselves, which is ultimately what we want for our children.

Now, these are nice words, but it can be a challenge to put this into action in everyday life, especially when you've been told by your husband that he doesn't love you as he should. It was unrealistic to think that things were going to return to passionate overnight. But, the wife knew that the husband wasn't going anywhere in the immediate future. She had a reasonably captive audience. So, she could certainly begin to focus on spending more time with him. She could listen and laugh more, she could schedule just one outing a week where it was just the two of them, and she could remember those things and experiences that bonded them in the first place and try to return them on even a small scale.

I wanted for her to stick with the things that she could sustain and be genuine about. Making changes that are only going to fade just disappoints every one and eventually makes lasting change more difficult because everyone's expectations have been lowered and negated. You're much better off focusing on one thing, making that a habit and then moving on to your next goal. Yes, this is more gradual, but it is also more genuine and lasting and these are the kinds of small changes that can transform a marriage over time.

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