A French wedding is nothing like what you may expect back home, writes British writer in France Jackie McGeown.

Jackie McGeown considers herself "a bit of an expert" on French weddings - and she reckons there are nine ways you'll be surprised if you're lucky enough to attend one (or indeed host one).

Over to you Jackie.

1. You have to get married in your local town hall

To a Brit or an American, getting married on a zoo or on a roller coaster hardly raises an eyebrow any more. But what will really make them sit up is learning that in France couples are forced to go through an civil ceremony in their local town hall.

Why? Because the separation of the Church and the State does not allow a legal ceremony took take place in a church/synagogue/mosque/what have you. Signing a register at the side of the altar (or after you’ve got off the rollercoaster) just doesn’t cut it in France.

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2. No bridesmaids or best man

Magenta dresses, fake tan to cover strap lines and flesh squeezed into a dress chosen to suit the bride’s other cousin – oh, the joys of being a bridesmaid! But don’t be afraid of being asked to spend big money on a dress you’ll wear once before burning it in a bin along with pictures of your ex because bridesmaids (and ushers) are not a thing in France.

The only people following the bride up the aisle while wearing frou-frou dresses and a disgruntled expression are les desmoiselles d’honneur, usually children related to the couple. There are other adults involved in the ceremony, however. These are the witnesses, a maximum of four, who are usually the close friends/relatives of the couple. No costumes required.

3. The car horns!

After the ceremony, some members of the party driving to the reception venue beep their horns repeatedly for the length of the drive. As the owner of two fine ears, I don’t like this one. You’re happy, we get it, don’t make the rest of us suffer.

In 2012 one wedding party took this to a whole other length by stopping their cars on the autoroute to celebrate, causing an enormous traffic jam and generally annoying everyone. Just typing this sentence is making me so angry. Let’s move on

4. The wedding cake is a towering mass of cream buns

No three-tiered fruitcake covered in royal icing here. The traditional wedding dessert is a croquembouche – a tower of mouth-sized choux pastries filled with crème pâtissière and held together by hardened caramel. It can be decorated by spun sugar, sugared almonds, chocolate, macarons – people can get pretty creative.

The idea is very much to have a wow factor. The entrance of the croquembouche is often the pinnacle of the evening, its arrival signalled by dimmed lights, music and even indoor fireworks. That the staff actually manage to dismantle the damn thing and serve it to the guests is something of a miracle. Beware shards of brittle caramel that could cause serious dental mayhem.

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